My daughter did not make the cheerleading team this week. I hugged her and thinking of my wife's wisdom she has given me in parenting my daughters, I simply said the following. "I am not going to tell you that this was in the plan. Or good things are coming. I know this stinks, and I am sorry. It's going to stink for a few days, but it will pass. Please let me know what I can do to make this easier." She said thank you and hugged me. I remember as a teenager thinking how big some problems seemed at the time. She'll see that in time as well. I just have to be the thermostat in the room and not the thermometer. I cannot let the environment dictate my moods or feelings. I have to be the safe harbor in the storm.
Ahh I love this perspective. Thank you for sharing.
There is such wisdom in all of this! To help her calibrate how this moment feels…to help her anticipate how it will feel for some time…and to simply let her know your are nearby. Heard. Hugged. Helped. And yes, our fully formed adult brains with decades of experience see a teen’s life disappointments with quite a different lens. But to honor the significance in her world is so huge.
Your line about “please let me know what I can do to make this easier” is pure gold. Your daughter is blessed, simply by your and your wife’s steady presence, while she processes what is big in her world.
(P.S. I didn’t make the dance team my first year. I was crushed. Turns out, God invited me to lead our church’s first teen’s retreat that year. The retreat prep nights…you guessed it! Conflicted with dance nights. That year of leadership experience changed me. Praise God, in hindsight, He had a plan. I made the team the next year, but it 100% hurt at the time…)
My daughter did not make the cheerleading team this week. I hugged her and thinking of my wife's wisdom she has given me in parenting my daughters, I simply said the following. "I am not going to tell you that this was in the plan. Or good things are coming. I know this stinks, and I am sorry. It's going to stink for a few days, but it will pass. Please let me know what I can do to make this easier." She said thank you and hugged me. I remember as a teenager thinking how big some problems seemed at the time. She'll see that in time as well. I just have to be the thermostat in the room and not the thermometer. I cannot let the environment dictate my moods or feelings. I have to be the safe harbor in the storm.
Ahh I love this perspective. Thank you for sharing.
There is such wisdom in all of this! To help her calibrate how this moment feels…to help her anticipate how it will feel for some time…and to simply let her know your are nearby. Heard. Hugged. Helped. And yes, our fully formed adult brains with decades of experience see a teen’s life disappointments with quite a different lens. But to honor the significance in her world is so huge.
Your line about “please let me know what I can do to make this easier” is pure gold. Your daughter is blessed, simply by your and your wife’s steady presence, while she processes what is big in her world.
(P.S. I didn’t make the dance team my first year. I was crushed. Turns out, God invited me to lead our church’s first teen’s retreat that year. The retreat prep nights…you guessed it! Conflicted with dance nights. That year of leadership experience changed me. Praise God, in hindsight, He had a plan. I made the team the next year, but it 100% hurt at the time…)
We have since talked about opportunities that might be available now due to the open dates. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.